I made the painful decision to delete the marriage blog. Why? Because I didn’t want it to be a source of fitnah for anyone. Unfortunately, some people were reading the blog like they would a tabloid.
My intention in creating the blog was not so that people can try to figure out who I was speaking about in the examples I gave. My intention was not to provide fodder for gossip or for people to derive some sort of perverse sense of pleasure off of my misery or the misery of others. My intention was to highlight the struggle, sorrows, up and downs, joys and triumphs of single/divorced Muslimahs using myself and my experience as an example. (With a few anecdotes from the lives of other sisters I’ve had the pleasure of knowing in my life). I also wanted to address issues that are often swept under the rug in the Muslim community. More importantly, I wanted to give voice to my experience.
Unfortunately, some people in my local community have discovered the blog. I fear that some of them will use my words against me. I’m afraid that they will not understand the point I was trying to make but instead twist its meaning. I’m afraid they will take my personal business and gossip about it rather than to use the information to promote much needed dialogue. I also don’t want them to make assumptions about which sisters I’m speaking of in my anecdotes. The fact of the matter is, I’ve lived in several different cities, travel reguarly, and I communicate with sisters (and brothers) across the country and around the globe . Some of them have shared their experiences with me so that I could address issues they’ve dealt with in my blog. My world is not so small that I have to draw every anecdote and situation from my local community. (Some people need to grow up!) The other thing is, I’d often change the location and sequence of events so that individuals’ identity remained protected. The only person I really put on blast was myself (and with good reason I hoped.) Yet, in the end it all comes down to this; fitnah, gossip, assumptions, and the like. I don’t want any part of that.
I apologize to all of the sisters (and brothers) who commented on the blog and/or emailed me privately to thank me for boldly discussing issues that were affecting our community and our sisters. In the end, blame the blog’s demise on haters and gossip mongers.